Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.  - Matthew 5:16

Apparently, some people are offended by my faith and have made it known lately.  Every time something like this happens it saddens me because I realize just how lost these people truly are.  For those of you who have known me for a long time, know that my philosophy for dealing with non-Christians that I don’t know well, is to be a shining light for Christ.  I do not think it is acceptable to go around beating non-believers with what I call the “Biblical” or “Christian” 2×4.  All this does is make others angry and does not show people the love that comes from Christ (John 13).

The next philosophy I have when it comes to my faith and belief is to the best of my ability (and reasonably), live peaceably with all men (Romans 12).  It is my desire that I would be seen as a shining beacon for Christ and that I would glorify my Father by living in a way that others would see Christ in me (Matthew 5).  Obviously, I am not perfect, but I must strive to always let non-believers see Christ in me.

I also will not be ashamed of Christ.  I have been saved and spared, why would I want to keep that a secret, when so many need saving?  I am not sorry you are offended.  This is who I am and where I stand.

What is your favorite song?  I thought I would share mine with you all.  I loved this song since I was little, there is something so beautiful about the words as well as the music.  It was played at my wedding, and it was selected because the song means so much to me and I am not talking about because of memories.  This song has never ceased to move me, spiritually.  I find myself singing this song often and was so excited when Twila Paris released her version of it.  She has the perfect voice for the song.  Oh, if you were wondering, yes, I do have Irish roots, although they go far back.

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

The new job seems to be working out. Praise God! God has granted me mercy and has blessed me greatly with my new job. It is kind of hard for me to tell the following story, because it shows that I falter in my faith, and that is something that I do not like anyone knowing. In mid-October, I had a dream. Not a normal dream or nightmare, but something that spoke to my soul.

I had a dream that I was sitting in my office and my office mate walked over and offered his hand out to me. I looked up from my desk, the next thing I saw was an image of my office again, this time, it was just me there with my boss. He was handing me things, more things, more things, more things. Next I see my office again. I am alone, when I say alone, I mean a haunting loneliness. I see tears running down my face. The next thing I see is a wall where my cube wall is, and on the other side was my office mate in an office I had never seen. He was standing by a printer and smiling. I then see the other side of the wall, myself, alone with my head in my hands and my heart full of sorrow. The next thing I see was the first image I had, my office mate offering me his hand, and then seeing my face full of fear.

I woke up. Shaking. God is telling me I have to leave! I try to wake Mike up to tell him, but he is too tired to really listen to me. I didn’t sleep the rest of the night. I kept praying. I knew in my heart that God was warning me. The next morning, I stayed in bed until really late. I was afraid to face work. Afraid to face what was coming. Mike asked what was wrong, and I tried to tell him, but I couldn’t explain what I had seen. On my way out the door, I grabbed some praise and worship CD’s and drove to work. I sat down at my desk and put the disc in and put my headphones on, and turned the music up very loud. I didn’t even say hello to my office mate.

Lunch time came. My office mate tapped my shoulder. All of the sudden I heard “this is it”, I can’t explain it, but my hands started to shake because I knew what was coming. My office mate asked me if I wanted to go out to lunch with him, just the two of us. At this point, I could barely speak. I was visibly shaken. I told him I couldn’t, since I had gotten in so late. He turned to leave. Then he turned back as I was putting my headphones back on my ears. He asked if I would walk him down the hallway. I wasn’t escaping it. I got out of my chair, each step felt like I was trying to over come a force of gravity that was 10 times the earth’s. We got down the hallway, he stopped. He told me his boss had a job opening. He was considering me, but my office mate said he was interested too. He said we might be able to go together. I just looked at him. I told him that I was interested and to let me know. I knew this was the image of him reaching out his hand to me in my dream. I knew it. I got back to my desk, panicked, I called Mike. He told me to calm down. I left early that day. I prayed the whole ride home. I talked to Mike and my parents about my dream. My dad told me to pray about it, since it may just be a dream, and that I shouldn’t necessarily put too much stock in it.  I was scared. I felt like God was showing me something, but then I became afraid that I was nuts.

I decided to ignore the situation, because that is always the best thing to do in this situation. Fear overwhelmed my heart and mind. Some time passed by and I purposely ignored ALL of the red flags God kept giving me. Some of them were so obvious, but I chose to ignore it anyway. God was telling me I had to leave my job ASAP and I just closed my eyes and stuck my fingers in my ears.

Then one day, it was too late. My office mate resigned. He left me behind. It was late-November. Stuff went crazy for me at work. I was trying to do the work of both of us. I was becoming stressed out and cranky. One morning, I walked into work and sat down. I had dozens of messages sitting in my inbox from my boss. As I answered one, there were two or three more. They kept coming and coming. Sound familiar? I didn’t see it then, but what was about to happen shook me to the core. Things kept piling up and I couldn’t keep up and I was starting to break down. I went through a couple of days like this. I was exhausted and there was no end in site. Then, I got an email that was going to take me forever to answer. At that point, my head fell into my hands and tears started to fall. I cried out to God and asked for mercy. I slid my chair back across my cube. I knew this image of myself too well. It had haunted me since I had seen it in my dream. My hands started to shake. I tried to ignore what God had told me, and now I was paying the consequences. Because of my disobedience, I went through 3 months of misery and dispair. I found a new job, but that was after waiting, and sitting on my hands and not doing anything, when the signs were all around me.

My new job is great. I do appreciate it so much, but I also remember what I went through to get to this point. God showed me in a big way what happens when someone chooses to be disobedient, over and over and over again. I am grateful that He had mercy on me and got me out of that office after only three months, but those three months pushed me to the brink of what I could take. I write this story tonight, ashamed that I was so stupid. I also write this story with a rejoicing heart, that my God has seen me through and can take something terrible and turn it into something great, even if I had to pay the consequences of my disobedience. I hope this is the last time that God tells me to do something and I ignore it. I also realized that God was trying to show me something. And everyone I told about my dream made me feel like I was demonically influenced. Fellow Christians made me feel this way. I realized that next time this happens, I need to take it to God in prayer and let Him show me the way, and do what He tells me.

I think of the story of Noah. God told him to build an ark and everyone made fun of him and called him crazy. They paid dearly later. If Noah had ignored God, he would have suffered the consequences that the people mocking him would suffer, death. People will always do and say things, some without bad/wrong intention, but when God says to do something, He is not joking. I am so glad my God is a loving and forgiving God. He has been merciful and next time I will listen to Him and not others.