This should be a fun post. I will start by saying I am not trying to hold women, in general, to the same ridiculously high standard I find myself struggling to meet. What frustrates me is when a woman says something like, oh I’m a dumb woman, or worse yet, women who claim to be super smart and then continually do/say the stupidest things or portray being stupid. This is something that is plaguing America. I find myself so frustrated and disgusted with this attitude. Just because someone happens to be a woman, does not automatically mean they have license to be stupid, although, most act like that is true. These women demand respect from their male counterparts.

I like to always reference the Bible with my thoughts to kind of show what I believe. What does the Bible say about women, thinking, and wisdom? Let’s start with the Proverbs woman.

She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. - Proverbs 31:16

It says she considereth, what does the word consider mean? Let’s go to Dictionary.net again. The first definition under consider says:

“1. To fix the mind on, with a view to a careful examination; to think on with care; to ponder; to study; to meditate on.”

The Proverbs woman considers a field and buyeth it. Cool, she can manage money too! Let’s keep looking…

Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. - Proverbs 31:25-6

Verse 26 says “She openeth her mouth with wisdom.”  So what does wisdom mean? I love online dictionaries! Dictionary.net has for it’s first entry:

1. The quality of being wise; knowledge, and the capacity to make due use of it; knowledge of the best ends and the best means; discernment and judgment; discretion; sagacity; skill; dexterity.

The NIV version has this for verse 26:

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. - Proverbs 31:26

Wow. So she speaks with “the quality of being wise”, and she speaks with “the capacity to make due use of it.” From these verses, we see that the Proverbs woman: considers (thinks with care) and opens her mouth with wisdom (her words have the quality of being wise and she has the capacity to make use of knowledge). I am still looking for a verse that says women have the excuse to not use the brains God gave them. Proverbs talks at long length about wisdom. I love Proverbs 4:5-10 especially.

Finding Christian women who are not foolish has always been a problem for me. I have yet to find a women’s Sunday school group or a woman’s Bible study that is not infected with gross foolishness. Another thing I have yet to find in these groups is a focus on the Word. I want to study God’s Word, I want to learn and understand. Instead these groups spend their time turning the class into a support group or a gossip group. I will be the first to tell you that we need to be there for our brothers and sisters in Christ when they are stumbling or struggling, but when the whole Sunday school time turns into a pity party week after week, I can’t go back.

I talked to my mom about this one day, and I was amazed to find that she felt the same way. I don’t understand why. My dad goes to Sunday school and he spends the time afterwards talking about what he learned while Mom and I are just glad that Sunday school is over - and that is a problem. Being a woman does not mean your life is allowed to be an instant pity party. Women’s groups also have a tendency to lead to gossip. I hate gossip. It is idle, and no one gains anything good from it whatsoever, people are only torn down by gossip. We are all guilty of gossip at some point, but when a focus of a Sunday school is the latest gossip week after week after week, it is time to run the other way.

Mike has been pushing me to join a women’s Bible study. First, I would like to point out that Bible study, means studying the Bible, not talking about hair, clothes, Britney Spears, the sale at Target, what someone else in the community is doing, etc. I tried to explain to Mike that I was not cool with Women’s groups and not to expect me to find a decent one. He didn’t understand why. Christmas came and Mike’s men’s group went to dinner with it’s sister group, the women’s group. I went with an open mind, as I promised Mike that I would, but he walked out shocked. I feel like women’s behavior can’t shock me anymore. I have seen it all, and I have heard it all. Mike never mentioned me joining that women’s group again.

I have a few female Christian friends, but most of them are extremely shallow, or feel that Christianity is somehow a competition. Most of my Christian friends are guys. I love going out to dinner with Mike’s Christian guy friends. I feel I can have a great conversation about the Bible, Christ and other Christian things. It is a shame that I cannot get this from groups of women.

I often feel like I am the only woman in the United States that desires a Christ-centered, Bible study (or church for that matter). I don’t care what Britney Spears is doing, I don’t care about who is dating who, there is nothing uplifting about any of these things. My desire is to learn the Word, praise my Father in heaven, worship my amazing savior, and to have a close relationship with the Holy Spirit.

I am hoping Mike and I can find a couple’s group, since generally they are better, but I am finding that any time you stick a group of women together, you will find division and constant manipulation. I have talked to some of the older female Christians (true believers) and have found that often they feel the way I do. I take comfort in knowing that, and not thinking I am the only person who feels this way.

These were just random thoughts I had when it came to the frustrations I deal with when it comes to other women. I know that I am supposed to have wisdom and that I need to be diligent, and that is what I must continue to do. I also must not allow myself to get discouraged. There are other women out there who feel as I do… I know it. Where are they?

I was reading Washington’s farewell address today.  Every now and then, I get into a founding father’s craze and start reading their writings and speeches.  I was reading it in the midst of a lot of white noise.  This quote stuck out as I read it:

“Whatever may be conceded to the influence of refined education on minds of peculiar structure, reason and experience both forbid us to expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.”

Wow.

A couple of weeks ago, I found out that a very good friend and his wife lost their first child.  The wife had only been pregnant for about four months.  They were so excited.  They had only been married for a few months when she got pregnant (they were married about the same time my husband and I were married).

My heart goes out to them.  The loss of the baby was due to an unfortunate event, all brought on by the selfishness of others.  My heart broke when they finally told me in person a few weeks ago over dinner.  I didn’t know what to say that could comfort, there was nothing I could say that would make their pain go away.  I am angered by the people who set the series of events into place that caused this (and unfortunately I know these people).  The husband is unable to forgive right now and to be honest, I can understand why he is so angry.

And yet, life goes on.  The rain comes, but the sun always returns.  All I can do for this couple is continue to be their friend and to pray for them.  They are actually handling their loss very well, I don’t think I would ever be able to handle the situation as well as they did.  I pray that God would grant them mercy, help them to forgive, help them find hope, and to help them put their trust in Him.

RIP Baby B.

O Lord, it’s embarrassing
I have been a cause for concern
“Hallelujah” all the angels sing
When castaways choose to return

And so before this sun sets
I will rest with no regrets
I’m ending with a phrase

Thank You, goodnight
At the end of the day
You’ve taken me somewhere
Thank you, goodnight
All the love that You gave
Has taken me somewhere good

Gone is my eloquence
Apologies come easy for some
With a Saviour, this is making sense
I’m sotty for the things I’ve become
And so before I lay down
I’m making my rebound
By ending with a phrase

Thank You, goodnight
At the end of the day
You’ve taken me somewhere
Thank you, goodnight
All the love that You gave
Has taken me somewhere…

Tonight I’m crawling
Back from the fallen
Like a desperate stray
To where I was before I fell away

This song means a lot to me, saw me through some crazy times in high school and college when I was trying to figure out who I was and wondering why God allowed terrible things to happen to me by people who were so-called “Christians”.  I never lost faith in God, but there was a time I couldn’t deal with the people who tore me and others to shreds while proclaiming the name of Christ.

There was a period of a year or two where I couldn’t go to church.  My parents were the only ones that I felt I could trust.  The only ones who cared.  During that time, God sat patiently, waiting for me to wake up.  I remember laying in bed at night, crying out to God, begging to understand why these terrible things had happened to me and wondering how I could move on.  He made me realize that the people who had done such evil to me, would have to stand before Him and would have to explain why they very nearly destroyed a young girl’s life.  He slowly started to heal the wounds.  Today, even though the scars are very visible to those who really know me, the wounds are healed none the less.  The scars are fading with time.

God also taught me over a few years to forgive.  I remember one day I realized I had to forgive, so that I could be free from the chains that kept me in bondage.  I asked God to forgive them first, because the pain was still too deep.  Years later, I was finally able to forgive.  A year or so after that, I ran into these people, their lives had literally crumbled down around them.  I suddenly felt pity for them.

God brought me back around.  It took some time, and I made some dumb mistakes, especially by hanging out with the wrong kind of people (because at that time, I wanted nothing to do with these wolves who called themselves “Christians”).  I started to realize where my life was going and what God had in store for me.  Towards the end of college and by the middle of ‘04 things had changed in my life completely.  I had nearly died towards the end of ‘03, most of my friends didn’t really know the extent of trauma my body suffered and how close I came to death (I don’t like talking about it in detail).  God gave me peace in the midst of my body shutting itself down.  He took over when my heart was giving up.  He sent His Spirit to give me an incredible peace that showed me that I KNEW without a doubt I was His child and He had me in the palm of His hand.  God wanted me to live, and I know there was a reason.  I don’t know why yet, and maybe I will never know while on earth, but He has plans and I am free.

I now go to church.  I still do find myself frustrated by the hypocrisy around me, but I cannot get discouraged by it.  I go to church to praise my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and worship my Father in heaven, not to watch how others behave.  Sometimes we walk away, whether fully or partially, but God shows so much love and forgiveness when we come crawling back, broken and weak.  God is faithful.  God is good. God can fill voids that seem too big to be filled.  He can heal the deepest wounds. He can set you free.

This week was a not so good one for me.  Wednesday afternoon, I started having all the symptoms of a stroke.  I barely was able to get to the nurse’s office (thank God our building is fortunate enough to have a nurse).  She checked my blood pressure.  It was terrible, it was right at the line of going to the hospital.  By the time I was done sitting for about ten minutes (it felt like hours as I prayed), the dizziness and confusion had started to go away.  I convinced her to let me drive home (I live a few miles away from work) and lay down and check my blood pressure.  She made me promise to relax and keep an eye on it because it was serious.  If it didn’t go down by at least 20 points, I had to go to the ER.

I got home and laid down, the numbness in my arm was still there.  Mike dropped everything and came home to be there for me and even had to cancel going to Bible study that night.  :(  The bp came down slowly and was back to normal by bed time.  The feeling in my arm started to come back and I did nothing but relax the whole evening.

My bp is still high (not as high as it had been the day of the nurse’s trip) and the doctor has me monitoring my bp every couple of hours and keeping a log of what I was doing before the five minutes of rest I am supposed to have before I take it.

It is so frustrating that my body isn’t able to keep up with how fast and how far I want to constantly go.  I know I need to slow down, but that is easier said than done.  I am just so glad it wasn’t a stroke.  My dad had one when he was forty, and I remember that day as the WORST day of my life.  When I had the numbness in my arm that wasn’t going away, I realized something wasn’t right.  Then, I wanted to talk to my office mate and nothing was coming out - I got really worried.

I think God is kicking my butt again, trying to tell me to slow down.  I do honestly try to slow down, it is something that is very hard for me.  I tend to be going at 150% or I am turned off completely.  I need to find a healthy balance.  It was nice to just take a night off and do nothing but watch movies, I need to do more “real” relaxing.  I will add that to my infinitely long to do list. 

Meanwhile, I am OK.  I still have headaches/migraines, and the bp is higher than it should be, but I am OK.  God is watching out for me and has seen me through times that I wasn’t “supposed” to live through, so I have absolute full faith (that definitely surpasses all understanding) that He is in full control.  My mind and spirit are strong, even if my body isn’t quite able to keep up right now - God can handle that part easily.  I am at peace, but if you happen to read this, a prayer wouldn’t hurt, since the burden is really on Mike’s shoulders to pitch in around the apartment (heaven help us). 

~Rhapsody Out~